nothing's really making any sense, let's talk
by justalittle l o o n y
Summary: So you don't know where you're going, and you wanna talk. -NextGen-     Rated for a tiny bit of swearing.


**So, this is dedicated to all the lovely people who voted for a family fic in my poll. More specifically, it's dedicated to Chi, because she went through something tough yesterday, and I hope this can make it slightly better. :)**_  
><em>

**I don't own Harry Potter, and I certainly don't own Chi. As much as I'd love to... ;)**_  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>So you don't know where you're going and you wanna talk<em>

_And you feel like you're going where you've been before_

_You tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored_

_Nothing's really making any sense at all, let's talk_

talk ;; coldplay

* * *

><p>"Alright James, open up this door or I'll break it down for you," came a shout from the door. James ignored it and continued brooding. He didn't exactly feel like talking to anyone at the moment, and he certainly didn't feel like talking to his pesky family. Suddenly, there was a loud bang, and his brother marched in, a scowl on his face. "I didn't want to have to do that, Jamie, but you forced me into it. What the fucking hell are you doing?"<p>

James only groaned and rolled over on his couch. His head hurt from the remnants of the many bottles of alcohol he'd consumed the previous night and Albus' shouting wasn't helping much. Unfortunately for him, that meant he didn't see or hear his brother's sigh. He started to get the vague feeling that something was crawling up his pants, but no, that was probably some sort of hallucination from the alcohol. Suddenly he let out a loud yelp as something pinched his… parts. "WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK!" he shouted and jumped up.

He glared at his brother, who despite the disapproving, gruff look on his face, had a twinkle in his emerald eyes. "I had to do it, Jamie," he said with a look that said he would have happily done it anyway. "Roxy wouldn't stop bugging me about how worried she was about you, and how much she needed me to come over and check on you and knock some sense into you."

Despite himself, James let out a slight grin. "That sounds like Roxy."

"Yes, well she practically forced me to come and get you. I was busy too," Albus said in an annoyed tone.

"Busy, eh?" James said with a grin (it was hardly up to his old standards, but hey, it showed a positive emotion). "Busy with what, exactly?" He sort of missed teasing his younger brother about the fact that he'd finally managed to get himself a girlfriend.

"Shut up," Albus said, rolling his eyes. "I was working with some parts in the shop."

James grinned wickedly, the smile finally starting to come back. "Parts? _Female _parts?"

Albus punched his shoulder. "Honestly, I almost prefer your drunken stupor to this," he complained.

James pulled a face. "Aww, but Albie, did you want me to grieve some more? You'd rather I sat on a couch and ponder the meaning of the universe? You'd rather I sit here, mellowing in my own self-pity?" His grin just kept getting wider and wider, despite the fact that most of it was true. He did miss Ivy. Probably more than he'd ever miss anyone in his life- even his family. Oh sure, he loved his family, always and forever, but he and Ivy'd had a connection that no one else really understood. She got him. He got her.

Or so he thought. Because really, he thought that friends told each other everything, and for her to do _that_, without telling him anything, really made him wonder if she'd ever really cared. The smile started to fade, and he could practically feel his angst levels rising.

"Thinking about her?" Albus asked quietly, for once in his life being sensitive and understanding what James needed. James only could nod, scared that he might do something girly like _cry _or something if he opened his mouth. "James, you have to stop doing this to yourself," he said in the same quiet tone. "So what if you didn't know her as well as you thought you did? We all had no idea that she was capable of that- it's not your fault."

James shook his head. "It is my fault," he whispered. "I could have stopped her. I could have found help for her. I could have done _something, _instead of just staring mutely at her." He glared at the table in front of him and banged his fist on it. "Fuck, I could have stopped those idiots from picking on her! But she didn't tell me anything…" He blinked to keep the tears from coming, because he _would not cry, _and really, anger was so much easier to deal with.

Albus only shook his head. "No, James, you couldn't have done anything. Insanity, psychosis, whatever you want to call what she had, it can't be stopped just because you love the person, or you talk to them, or if you stop the people who are hurting them. It's a mental disorder, James, and there was nothing you could have done." He shook his head bitterly. "James, you should have seen Professor Longbottom's face- he just broke down crying in front of everyone. In front of the whole school."

James glared at his brother. "FUCK, ALBUS DO YOU THINK I WANT TO HEAR THAT?" he shouted, slamming his fist into a pillow. "MY GIRLFRIEND JUST KILLED TWO PEOPLE AND RAN AWAY, AND YOU THINK I WANT TO HEAR THAT HER DAD'S HEARTBROKEN?" He took his wand out and pointed it at the dirty dishes in the sink of his flat. "_Diffindo! Diffindo! Diffindo!"_

They all shattered, but that wasn't enough for him. He wanted to see more things destroyed. He wanted to watch more things break. Because really, anger was much easier than the mind-blowing, overwhelming grief that threatened to suffocate him.

Albus sighed. "James, stop. You're being an idiot. Who cares if she didn't actually tell you everything, like you thought she did? You can't do anything about it now, and I know it hurts, but stop being so damn stupid."

James turned to him, anger burning in his eyes. _An idiot? An idiot? His girlfriend was wacko, and his brother was calling _him _an idiot?_ He pointed his wand towards him, but then he saw the situation through someone else's eyes. There he was, hexing anything in sight, about to hex his own brother, just because he'd tried to help him. "I'm sorry," he said, putting his wand down. "You're right, you're right, and merlin, you're right, but _fuck, _I don't know what do with my life now."

Albus smiled faintly. "James, you can do whatever you like. You could be a photographer- I hear Mum's hiring. You could be an astronomer- Professor Sinistra always liked you. You could be a singer- Merlin knows Ivy always liked your voice for some crazy reason- you could be anything." He punched his shoulder. "James, just do something that's never been done before."

James sighed and put his head in his hands. "But… Ivy," he said, his voice cracking, finally showing how much he was hurting inside.

Albus raised an eyebrow. "Who knows Jamie, maybe you'll see her again one day. But you can't keep living in despair until you do. You can't let her ghost control your live." He fiddled with the watch on his wrist and stood up. "I have to go, actually," he said, the tips of his ears turning the slightest bit pink.

James grinned. "Hot date?" he asked as Albus walked out of his flat. He was responded to with a certain finger pointed at him and he laughed. Leaning against the couch behind him, the smile faded a little, but his thoughts had been restored to their usual cheery tone. _Do something that's never been done,_ he mused, absentmindedly twirling one of the tassels on his throw pillow. He could do that. He always was brilliant at breaking people's expectations.

_1 Year Later_

James Potter, dressed in a trenchcoat, fedora and aviator glasses to disguise his appearance from the rest of the patrons of the coffee shop he was at, grinned as he read the paper's headline.

_**JAMES SIRIUS POTTER, RENOWNED SINGER AND DRUMMER FOR THE HORNED GRYFFINS CAUGHT WITH MYSTERIOUS GIRL!**_

_**Is this the end of all hope for James Fanatics?**_

"Really, don't they have anything better to do with their time?" his girlfriend said with a roll of her eyes.

"Chi, if they had anything better to do, I'd still be playing in my garage," he said with another grin.

She smiled and ruffled his hair. "More like you just like the attention, love," she said with an equally devious grin.

"Oh like you don't!" he said with a roll of his eyes.

"What is my life?" she asked with a mocking sigh.

"Extremely wonderful, since I'm in it?" he said cockily and she just laughed. He reached over to kiss her and inwardly smiled. He'd certainly made a new name for himself, and honestly, he was proud of that.

* * *

><p><em>You can take a picture of something you see<em>

_In the future where will I be?_

_You can climb a ladder up to the sun_

_Or write a song nobody has sung_

_Or do something that's never been done_


End file.
